People keep throwing hurtful words at me a lot. Things like “you’re heartless” “you’re a heart of stone” “you think about no one but yourself” “you don’t care about others” and the list goes on (I’m not kidding). I’ve tried to explain my side so many times, but they never understood -_-
Well first of all you people, thanks. You know nothing. You really don’t. Some of those people are actually so close to me but apparently none of them understand the way I show my love for them.
You see, not everyone finds it easy expressing their feelings to people and I bet they faced some difficulty expressing their feelings at some point too. Why are you all targeting me, wth !! :s
For example, I noticed on several occasions, when I’m happy for someone or I “really” love someone and actually want to “hug” them, I just stare blankly at them. MAYBE maybe smile. Sometimes I even hit them LOL xD
Another example, when my brother first left to UK for a year, I remember I kept stalking him around the house while he’s packing because I was “trying” to say goodbye to him but I couldn’t. So I decided to be a creepy stalker instead. Then when he came back for the holiday and left again, I stayed in my room. I didn’t see him at all that day purposely. I know I’ll cry. And I’m crying now….. I really miss him.
My point is, I hate feeling “feelings” because it makes me feel to helpless. idk. I feel scared or sad so I avoid the whole situation by doing something dumb. I get attached to people easily if I “really” loved them and that freaks me out a lot. I don’t wanna feel anything.
And I’m sorry for those people who expected more from my side but I don’t and can’t do anything. I do dumb things. I wish one day they’d understand. I also hope they’d stop thinking like that about me cuz it really sucks..