People always see me as this person who has sooo many friends and that I get along with everyone so easily and fast. Yayy! That’s a good thing, right? Well, if you’re one of those people who think so too, you’re wrong.
I’ve had so many friends since I was a kid. None of them ever lasted long. I thought to myself, was I the reason? Is there something wrong with me? I was so sad.
Not so long ago, I realized that even though I get along with people easily, I don’t. This might sound confusing but yes, I do get along with every single type of people. For a short while of course. But long term? Being a close friend? Noway. Never. Absolutely not. I can’t. I can’t hang out with “anyone” for a long time, especially one to one. I prefer a group hang out because it’s noisy and I get to interact with them whenever I want to (I’m loud and hyper when I do), and stay quiet when I don’t feel like talking. No one notices. But if I’m alone with someone, sure, I can stay with them all day “if we’re working” but if otherwise, not more than an hour or two. Seriously.
It’s because of my cheerfulness and hyperness, no one notices that I actually don’t get along with people. It’s funny. In reality, I’m just this person who wants to stick around with her favorite people.
Who are my favorite people? They are 6 people who I’ve been with for more than 10 years. I love them, each one of them so much! I love being around them, any day, any time and I’d feel SO DAMN HAPPY. But again, as a group (more than 3 people).
Only one out of the six, are the ones I wouldn’t mind hanging out with, one to one, all day, at any day. But now she’s moving away to another city. Far away. (I’m not as sad as used to about this matter as before. Getting used to it :p)
Weird, eh? How am I going to be able to manage on my own? I’m not sure but I will somehow. This could be an experience that will make me a stronger person? Who knows.
But the thing is again, in the long term, I can’t get along with people. I don’t feel comfortable around people. And why my friendships (other than the six) don’t last long? Either I can’t handle it so I stay away, or people realize that we’re not the same type. Because when I first meet people, I give the impression that we’re the same type.
Life’s funny. I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to make new friends in the future or not. Or (Can’t believe I’m saying this but since people around me put these thoughts in my head….) if I’m gonna get married to someone who we’ll both get along with each other. After all, unlike friendships, marriage is life lasting and is an official arrangement……………. Aahh….
I can’t live feeling uncomfortable around people (and the place/environment I’m in… but that’s another issue that I’ll talk about later….) all my life…